


Aftermath

by TallysGreatestFan



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Canon Autistic Character, Canon Disabled Character, Chronic Illness, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24506719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TallysGreatestFan/pseuds/TallysGreatestFan
Summary: After the battle is over, Hordak and Entrapta have to come to terms with still lingering effects of Horde Primes abuse and also their feelings for each other
Relationships: Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 157





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Because this might be slightly triggering for some: There is a mention of an medical infusion in the middle, though nothing graphic

He had been not aware that he could possibly feel so happy. The peace that had filled his mind as She-Ra had reached out to him was still there, alongside the wild, bubbling happiness that Entrapta was here with him. He was still in awe that he truly saw her, truly felt her firm grip on his arm, heard her voice. Warmth rushed through his chest every time he looked at her, and he could not place this emotion, but it felt so wonderful, it must be good.

He felt as if he must burst from all the happiness soon, that it must be too much for him to safely handle, and he did not care.

He saw the Water-Princess shot him an irritated glace but he did not care for that either.

They finally reached the Rebellion camp She-Ra (Adora?) had led them too, and since nobody said anything about him, only stared at him, he figured that he could stay.

Entrapta gently lead him to one of the tents. Only as he sat down he noticed just how worn out he was. He had thought his condition was at the very least better, partially healed trough the purification ritual, but now he felt as if he would legitimately not be able to stand up again.

And only as the tents front closed he realized how glad he was to be finally alone again, only with Entrapta – but somehow her presence calmed him instead of drained.

They sat there for a long time, her holding his arm, his hand against her flank, with no need to talk anymore.

At some point the Ice Princess screamed “Dinner’s ready!” so loudly that they could easily hear it even in the tent.

“I bring some for you too.”, Entrapta said as she stood, and her hand very naturally raised over his upper arm and then caressed his shoulder, he could clearly feel it even through the thick uniform. The touch lingered even as she was already outside.

The meal turned out to be too hard noodles with some watery red mush as sauce. It was the most delicious meal Hordak had ever had in his live.

However, suddenly all the strength he had had seemed to have left, it felt like when he had taken off his armor. He had to use all his strength to just hold the bowl and the fork. His hands trembled and his deformed underarms hurt.

“You don’t have to pretend you have no problems.”, Entrapta said, “Let me help.”

“But you do not feed me?”, he growled, “That would be humiliating.”

She laughed – it was such a wonderful sound – and just took the bowl so that he could concentrate on the fork.

“I should check your body and implants.”, she said as they were finished. Neither of them moved.

Instead they just sat there, side against side, and some when his hand made its way into hers. He felt his heart beat faster with another surge of happiness. Her glove was smooth and firm against his palm. Some when, she pulled it off. He stared at her hand, had he ever seen it uncovered? But his memory was still a haze, only the most important memories really clear.

She smiled at him, and warmth went through his heart that should have felt alarming but somehow wasn’t, and entangled her hand with his again. His was so much larger than hers. The contrast of his dark blue and her light brown. The lines and faint calluses of her palm. The strength in her fingers.

She was so warm against his side. He could not describe the emotion the filled him, even larger than the happiness, but perhaps he did not had to?

He could not say when, time had become meaningless, but at some point they changed the position of their arms so that they would not go numb, and the sleeve of his uniform slide up a bit, baring part of his lower arm.

“So you are not fully healed, or is this natural for your species? But Wrong Hordak – the other clone on our side, he needs a real name soon – does not have these.”, Entrapta said.

To be honest, Hordak had not even been aware that his body still was like that until now. When had been the last time he had seen his own body uncovered? He could not remember.

“I saw that you possessed more physical strength and stamina than before but I was not sure how far this goes and how much was just Horde Prime pushing your body over its limits.”, she said as she pushed the sleeve all the way up to his crook, and then trace experimentally over his radius.

By all means it should not have felt as intense as it did. Trough the mostly missing muscles and nerves in the gap between radius and ulna his lower arm normally either felt numb or hurt dully. But now tingles went through his skin where she had touched him, the sensory equivalent of how safety fireworks looked like. Again it should not have felt as wonderful as it did. His whole lower arm seemed electrified.

“Can you check the nerves there especially thorough on your diagnosis later? It tingles everywhere you touched and that quite intensely.”

Her expression went from surprise to understanding to something he could not read.

“I… I can, sure.”, there was a nervousness and hope in her voice he did not understand where it came from, “But I don’t think this is really nerve damage. I have this too, where your arm brushed against mine, even through the sleeve. I thought this would be coming through this different form of sensory processing of my… of this different way my brain works, and from…”, she stopped, furrowed her brows in something that almost looked like pain, and her hair reached for her mask to pull it down, until she realized that she had taken off the mask already.

“From what?”, he did not wanted her to be in pain. Not now, not ever.

She drew a shacky breath. Her eyes avoided him. As she spoke, it was fast and trembling:

“My friendship with you is the most important thing to me, okay? You’re… you’re the one who understands me more than anybody else, more than I thought was possible. My… my lab partner. I don’t want this to harm it in any way, no matter what happens.”

All the happiness turned to dull coldness. He felt his eyes burn as if shortly before crying. No. He could not lose her, not after all of this. He could not imagine being without her again.

“What… happens?”, his voice was so flat, he barely recognized it.

“These sensations… the only other instance than sensory issues due to my disability, and I noticed that this only happens with you, described in literature and media… I thought you could not possibly experience this too, not with me, and so I kept quiet, because you are too important to me to let that endanger our friendship, but now…”, she drew a deep, shuddering breath, “I think I feel romantic love for you.”

He had never been more aware of how less he truly knew about interpersonal relationships. He wished he would know more. She would have deserved that.

“I definitely feel something for you… but how do I know if its friendship or romantic love? What is the difference between them? I did not pay attention to that, and I never really understood what distinguished them.”

An odd mix of hope and fear was on Entraptas face. “I am not good at people, but I think really good romantic love is like deep friendship. Understanding each other, wanting to spent time with each other, loving each other. Just that there is this physical component too, finding the other aesthetically pleasing, for most people sexuality. Liking their touch.”

He had never considered that he might feel this one day. Romantic Love and sexuality were just nothing for a Horde clone, only for the primitive civilizations they conquered. But now Horde Prime was dead and he had realized that this primitive civilization had been right, and that this was his home.

“I like your touch.”, his cheeks felt so hot.

She looked just as happy as right after She-Ra had cast Horde Prime out, her smiling mouth opened as if she wanted to say something. Then she decided differently, closed it, and opened it again, let it like this for a while, thinking: “I like yours too.”

He had noticed how Entrapta disliked touch other than from her closest friends, and even from them rarely. It still felt unreal that she honored him with being close enough with him to enjoy his touch. His cheeks grew even hotter.

“No matter what this is, we will work through it, and we will always be lab partners.”, she took his hand again.

There was the happiness again, bubbling up in him like the product of some chemical reaction.

He dared to lean closer against her, and she sighed content.

“How much experimental data about romantic love do you have? Personally, I mean?”, why had this seemed like a good thing to ask? But it had felt as if this had to be out of his mouth.

But she just looked thoughtfull as if to gather information, and then sad and embarrassed: “None, really. As I was nineteen I had a date with this beautiful girl from engineering university, but I did not know what to do, and afterwards she just said I should stop being so weird”, he wished he could find this woman and punish her? How could she not value Entraptas wonderful uniqueness? She continued: “and that I should shower more because I smell disgusting.”

Only now he really consciously noticed her scent, although it had calmed him subconsciously since they had met again. The nutty smell of machine oil and engine grease, sweat (they said sweat smelled badly and for every other person he would agree, but not for her), this fruit in her shampoo (coconut?). There were more, fainter undertones, and he wanted to explore them all. Without thinking, he said: “You smell wonderful.”

She turned to him, shocked but in a good way, then looked down fastly.

He wished he wouldn’t have said that.

For a moment they were both awkwardly quiet, then she simply continued with her story: “I did kiss this random young man at Princess Prom, because I wanted to know so badly how that felt like. But that was all. Later that evening I saw him with another woman.”

He felt contempt for this man, but her narration also made him wonder how it would feel like to kiss her. Made him aware of the shape of her lips. Immediately he thought at something else. It was surprisingly difficult.

“What about you? I read that leaders become more attractive for their underlings because of their elevated social status, did you notice that?”

“I…I simply was not aware that this could be possible. This whole sexuality thing was something they did, not I, I never… It would have been too dangerous anyway. It would have exposed me, it would have been to close. And I… can’t imagine anybody would want my marantic body.”

There was an strange expression in her face that both made him nervous and wanting more: “You are very attractive, Hordak.”

He wanted to protest, but he could not think well enough for that suddenly, and so now was his turn to look away and down.

“So you have never been kissed?”, she did not quite dared to meet his eyes.

“No.” 

“Would you like to?”

Why was it suddenly hard to breathe?

He had always been confused and disgusted by the Etherians mating practices. But with her, it suddenly fascinated him.

“Yes.”

He felt her hand on his cheek, and before he could really realize what was going to happen, something soft was against his mouth. Something firmer pressed against his lips, and with an instinct he did not knew he had he opened them, and she slid her tongue inside, brushed it against his.

With an pleasant shock that went through his whole body, he understood what was happening, and experimentally moved his mouth against hers. She hummed, and the vibration went straight into his blood.

By all accounts it should not have felt this good, to have something roam around in his mouth, but it did.

They parted. He was lightheaded and out of breath, and did not understand why, it had not been this physically exhausting after all.

How strange this had felt like. But somehow good.

He smiled, and she smiled back, and the warmth he felt in his chest was in her eyes, too. He leaned against her, and somehow it did not feel risky anymore, just natural. She caressed his hand, and it was so calming.

He felt another good emotion he could not recognize, that he had not be alert anymore, did not had to be strong anymore, because she was there. Was that secureness?

He closed his eyes and let himself finally be weak. Soon there were no thoughts anymore, only warmth.

_

Full of this strange, warm new emotion she looked down at Hordak as he laid there against her, his head resting on her shoulder. Had she ever seen him so at peace?

But her shoulder slowly began to hurt; she took him with her arms and hair and lifted him up. He was lighter than a person of his size should have been, but trough the sheer high he still was so heavy that even she, and she knew she was strong from working with heavy machines all the time, had problems to carry him over to her bed.

Should she try to put him out of the Clone robe and into something more comfortable? But he was so insecure about his body, she wanted to do something like this only if he consented to it. And so she only pulled his boots off and tucked an blanket over him.

Then she took some pillows and another blanket and made herself a nest on the floor beside the bed.

As she awoke, Hordak was still asleep. He looked so completely relaxed, unbothered by his insecurities and the world. A surge of protectiveness went through her. She left him a note and went to discuss their further plans with the rest of the rebellion.

She could barely concentrate, her thoughts always went back to how he felt like, his lean body and his hands and his lips on hers. She really had done that. If she was honest with herself, she had fantasized about kissing him for quite some time, but now it was reality… It felt as if it must be only one of her fantasies, it was simply too good to be real. And he had liked it.

She had to hold her hands firmly to hinder them at moving in happiness.

As she came back later in the morning, Hordak just stirred.

“Good morning.”, she kissed him on the forehead. The warmth in his eyes was just so unbelievable wonderful too.

He opened his mouth, but instead of words out came just an garbled croak. He tried again.

“Good morning.”, it sounded slurred and creaking, and she immediately knew something was wrong. It was only reinforced by him adding: “Speaking ‘s difficult.”

He tried to sit up and immediately sunk back onto the bed. His whole body trembled.

“Even just moving my hand… exhausting.”, he was oddly calm. Probably due to being used to flares of his illness. She had thought he had been better?

She searched for his pulse on his throat. Hordak whimpered. What had Horde Prime done to him too?

“Its okay. I am just checking your pulse. It will be over soon.”

She could barely feel his pulse; it was definitely to slow. Having a scary intuition, she checked the veins on his right arm, she could hardly feel them too.

“Water.”, he croaked. She took an glass and helped him to sit up. He drank in small, greedy gulps.

She breathed deeply to force the upcoming panic down. No, emotions would not be useful now. She took a bit skin on his hand and lightly pinched it together. The resulting fold of skin did not return back to its flat state, but stood for several seconds until disappearing, far too slowly. Not good.

She grabbed her instruments for an more thorough diagnosis, checked his lungs and chest. Hordak barely seemed to noticed it.

Then she ran to get Adora.

“You can heal in your She-Ra-form, can you help Hordak? He is severely dehydrated, I need an infusion bag and needle, but I don’t knew what else too…”

What if he would die from whatever this was, after all they had been through? She breathed in, tried to calm herself, tried not to cry. She could not lose him. Not again.

Adora took several attempts to turn into She-Ra. Normally Entrapta would have tried to notice every detail to scientifically explore it later, but right now she barely noticed.

“He is just extremely exhausted. He needs a week of good rest and sleep.”, she frowned, “Do you know what Horde Prime possibly did to him that burned him out like this? Other than possessing him?”

And in this moment she realized. She had thought his disability had not shown because he truly was better, but in truth…

“Hordak, is it okay to tell her?”

He just nodded.

“He is physically disabled. Some sort of muscle-degenerative illness, among other effects. I thought reconditioning would have healed at least part of it because he seemed to be able to stand and walk and do ever more physically exhausting things on his own.”

Something dark crept over Adoras features: “Prime wouldn’t waste resources on an clone, even if he could heal him.”

“Yes. He let him keep parts of his old armor simply so that he would not slow his army down, but that does not explain everything. He…”, she was nobody who got whimsical about unfortunate medical situations, but the thought of Hordak, her poor Hordak, having to endure that, after how hard he had tried to be what Horde Prime thought was good… she suddenly felt slightly nauseous. “Through the hive mind and the resulting adrenaline rush he forced Hordak to go over his body’s natural shut-down reflexes that are there to hinder it at harming himself, just so that he would more productive in short term.”

Adora was a bit paler than usual: “…and destroy himself in long term.”

“Yes. These barriers are there for a reason… He just was pushed over his limits for weeks.”

“I’m… I’m sorry. Truly. I used to think he was this evil overlord, but after seeing where he came from…”

“He wanted you all to believe that he is an brutal ruler like Horde Prime.”, she stared at the floor, then: “Do you know where the utensils for an intravenous infusion are?”

The resigned whimper as she set the infusion, not even shocked, just expecting, as if he was so used to pain that he saw it as something completely normal, cut deep into her soul.

“Its okay. I know this is a disgusting sensation, and you don’t have to be the strongest anymore, its okay.”

However already as she secured the port with an bandage around his hand, his eyes fell closed and he slept. On the gurney. Another surge of protectiveness. Her poor partner, so exhausted…

_

He slept for most of the day. At some point Entrapta helped him out of his robe. He was to exhausted and sleepy to feel embarrassed. It was the first time after Horde Prime had erased his memory that he really saw his own body uncovered. He had gained weight, he could see that in how his ribs and shoulder bones did not stuck out as extremely anymore, but he was still significantly thinner and lesser muscular than a clone should be.

“I have to go now, the council decides what to do with all the alien tech.”, the excitement over the technology and her not wanting to leave him battled in her voice, ,,I will be back in two hours or so.”

She kissed him shortly on the lips, without tongue, just touch. The warmth lingered.

Smiling, he turned around and curled into the thin blanket. In just his underwear it was much more comfortable in the warm weather.

Sometimes she was there when he awoke, talking with him and reading technical manuals to him so he would not have to ponder, sometimes she was not. She left him a recorder to play for the latter.

Time blurred into itself, and he could not have said how late it was or even which day.

Some when, the younger clone who now called himself Kadroh, the one who had had the strange nickname Wrong Hordak, came with an tablet full of food.

“Entrapta said I should make you soup! Soup is an good food when one is sick.”, he said, and hold the tablet towards Hordak so that he could take it.

Meanwhile Hordak tried to sit up, but his arms trembled too much and it was just to exhausting. Humiliated, he sunk back into the pillow.

“What happened to you?”, only at this moment he realized that he was still only in his underwear, his scars, his discolorized skin, his atrophied muscles, his too skinny torso and the holes in his underarms clearly to see. Kadroh stared.

Hordaks instincts told him to either fight or flee. He was to weakened for both.

“Its none of your business.”, he growled.

Kadrohs eyes went wide, and he backed away. His brow was furrowed in hurt. Had Hordak ever looked so young as he stranded here on Etheria?

This had been unfair. From all he had heard about Kadroh, he meant no harm, and how should he know how to deal with defects when all he knew was Horde Primes “perfection”?

“I am sorry. I just don’t want to talk about this.”

“I… I didn’t wanted to antagonize you, I just didn’t know, I…”, Kadroh stammered.

“You couldn’t have known.”, it felt so strange to react like this, not just shout and use his authority, but as Entrapta had said, he did not have to be strong anymore: “Just don’t ask these things when you see someone who is… defective, in Horde Primes words. It hurts to be reminded that one is not as one should be.”

Kadroh just nodded, then realized that Hordak needed help and pulled him into an sitting position.

His hands trembled and were weak, so it took him long to eat, even if he had almost no appetite. Kadroh was there the whole time, but thankfully said nothing.

“You must be so strong, to manage all these things the others told me, even with this.”, he suddenly said thoughtfully.

Hordak could only stare, and Kadroh took the tablet and then he was gone.

Hordak felt something swelling in his chest, and his eyes burned and it was hard to breath as if before crying. He had never realized he could be strong. Not when most of the time he was too weak to stand on his own for more than one minute.

He tried to sleep, but he was to churning to rest. At some point, his thoughts collapsed into a darker direction. Kadroh was better than him in every possible way. Where he was bitter and lashing out Kadroh was kind and friendly. A better person. He was still there to serve while Hordak was too weak to and had to be cared for.

Kadroh had worn his Horde uniform, but even with the wide robe Hordak had seen that he was significantly more muscular than him. Weren’t muscles what women wanted in men?

Entrapta should chose Kadroh as her mate, she deserved better than him.

This was so unfair for Kadroh, he had done nothing to deserve it, but Hordak felt an pang of anger at him. And how arrogant were he to believe he would have any say in Entraptas choices?

But he would not know what to do if he lost her.

At some point he fell asleep, but his sleep was full of fear.

As he awoke, Entrapta was caressing his hair. His thoughts were dull and muddled, and so all he could think of was that he feared she would leave.

“Can you talk to me? I need to hear your voice.”, needed to know she was still there.

“Of course.”, she said, and started with some unimportant details she noticed about the landscape and the grass.

On the next day, Hordak had absolutely no sense of which time it actually was, Entrapta came in her face hidden with her mask. He knew that she only did that when she was upset. He wanted to ask what had happened, wanted to try to help her, but he also did not want to pressure her.

He reached out for her, and it took nearly all his power, but she finally tilted the mask up and said: “They are discussing how to punish us. For trying to conquer Etheria.”

It was so foolish, but only in this moment Hordak really realized just how wrong he had been. Trying to force the Etherians into the Horde, just because he himself had no chance but serve it. All this horror, and he had genuinely thought it would be a good thing. Horde Primes light.

Entrapta chuckled sadly, and her gaze still did not met him: “They saw how Horde Prime was and have sympathy for you, so it won’t be that dire.”

Hordak sensed that there was something else. Something about her.

“Something else happened. Do you want to talk about it?”

As she looked at him again there was this powerless but still resisting fury in her eyes he had felt as he saw Horde Prime drag her to him.

“They said I could not fully be held accountable. Because of my… because of… Perfuma because I have this mental disability and so wouldn’t understand what I do, and also would not really understand my relationship to you.”

Perfuma again. The more Entrapta told about her the more Hordak hated her.

“She said that as if she was helping me. The worst thing was that I could not object because then my punishment would be more severe, maybe yours too.”, she drew a shaky breath, “I don’t understand it. She says she is my friend, that she respects me, but every time I interact with her she humiliates me. I try so hard to be a good friend for her. What do I wrong?”

That she still sought the fault with herself… But then, he had done the same for all these years about Horde Prime.

“She does not deserve you.”

“But I am such a bad friend.”

“No, your not.”

She looked as if she would not really believe it, but she smiled.

At the fifth day the records stopped being enough to distract his mind from the thoughts. He had really tried to recreate the Horde here on Etheria. Conquer all of the planet so he would be worthy and so they would see Primes light. All this horror. Even now it felt far too natural to even just grasp half of how horrific it was, but he finally understood. Had seen that as something positive, salvation even. How could he have not realized?

He would have had time to realize. Twenty years. If he would have been a good person, if he would not have been so weak and cowardly and submissive he would have stopped it.

He curled up, his breath came in flat, sharp breaths.

How could he try to subject others to these horrors when he himself had witnessed them?

He remembered how Horde Prime had taken his body, his presence smothering him. He did not get enough air anymore. He is dead, he can’t harm you anymore. But it did not feel like this. He felt like falling, as if shortly before fainting. It did not feel as if he was safe.

He remembered pain, pain, pain, pain, pain in every fiber of existence, and then blissful nothing. Horde Primes caress, mind and hands.

And a part of him still longed for all of this. This was his destiny. He had killed him. He had truly killed him. What was he now?

He had no destiny anymore, no idea what to do with his live. It felt like losing the ground under his feet and falling. Everything that defined him, not there anymore.

But then, he had failed his service for Horde Prime. First trough his defect, and then he had actually killed him. And he had failed his own goal to conquer Etheria. Had failed to understand how wrong both of this was. No matter in which context, he was a failure. Defect.

He should have realized that Catra had used him and sent Entrapta to Beast Island. He should have saved her. If she had not survived… No, even just thinking about it was more than he could bear.

He curled up and cried, and just wished it would finally stop, but it did not.

“Hordak?”, Entraptas voice made its way trough the pain. “What happened?”

She sat down beside him, caressed his shoulder. The touch brought him back into the physical world a bit, but not nearly enough.

He tried to explain, but his voice broke and his sobbs interrupted his sentences.

“No, you couldn’t have realized how wrong it was. You were created for the Galactic Horde, basically programmed for it. Horde Prime abused and brainwashed you. How could you understand when that was all you ever knew? Without anybody ever explaining? Did anybody ever try other than me before all of this?”

“No.”, he weakly said, “As I arrived they tried to kill me, and after that they all were to afraid. Nobody even knew. But…”

“From what you learned, you could have done so much worse. But you didn’t.”

“I failed every requirement I had…”

“Because they were impossible to reach. That you tried so hard to reach them at all shows that you are indeed a good person.”

He had never thought this way. “But… but I didn’t reached it…”

“It doesn’t matter. Hordak, you’re you and you are still wonderful and smart no matter if you reached these goals or not. You’re still worth something.”

“It feels so strange to think like this.”

“I know.”, something dark flashed in her face.

“I am so sorry that I didn’t save you. I should have realized earlier. You would have never betrayed me.”

Now there were tears in her eyes too.

“You couldn’t have known. I… I should have realized that you did not abandon me.”

He pulled her closer.

“I don’t know what I would have done if…”, his voice broke.

“Now I am here. We are here together.”

They hold each other for a long time. Finally, he dared to ask his last question.

“I don’t have a destiny anymore. How can you bear not having one?”

“I think we create our destiny ourselves. And you do have something. You will be with me, and you will work on a better future and atoning. We can create it together.”

There was another pause.

“Is it okay when I go to Perfuma and ask her for some calming tea for you? Could you bear that.”

He nodded.

He drank the tea, but he still couldn’t stop sobbing. He was to exhausted to stop. Finally, peace soft and dull like a feather blanket sunk down on him. He snuggled closer to Entrapta and closed his eyes. His last thought before falling asleep was: Everything was going to be good.

**Author's Note:**

> Just because the end was rather abrupt, as much as I liked it. And also I needed an explanation of what happened with Hordaks disability. 
> 
> This was surprisingly hard to write, maybe because I drew inspiration of from that one time I burned up my body much similar to Hordak does here (though with me it was mental illness)
> 
> Please comment, doesn't matter how long or short the comment is!


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